Everything is fine couple relationship It is like a living organism: it is born, grows and crosses several phases, each with its challenges and joys.
Like every body, to prosper it needs nourishment and treatment constant. The main nourishment? A healthy and open communication, essential to protect the well -being of the bond, especially during changes or moments of crisis.
The art of communicating in the couple: an ability to cultivate
Often it is thought that knowing communicate It is an innate talent, but reality is much more encouraging: it is an ability that can be learned and refined over time. A effective communication It is the bridge that allows us to reach the other, to express who we are and to listen to those in front of us. Without this bridge, it is difficult develop good intimacy and build a deep and authentic connection.Ift
Developing these skills requires a sort of kind and constant “training”. It is not a question of following rigid rules, but of adopting new habits that, step by step, can lead to a more fluid, authentic and less conflicting communication.
Phase 1: abandon the battlefield
When dealing with a discussion, the first step is to remember that it is not a battle with a winner and a won. The goal is not to be right, but to understand each other. For this it is fundamental give up the need to be right and be right At all costs. This does not mean passively or denying one’s feelings of anger or frustration; Rather, it means opening up to the idea that our partner’s point of view has a value and deserves to be listened and considered with respect.
Phase 2: talk about oneself, not the other
During a conversation, the only things that we can be absolutely certain are those relating to us:
- Our thoughts
- our feelings
- Our perceptions.
To assume you know what the other thinks or feels is a shortcut that easily leads to blameing each other, without empathing and avoiding looking inside us. The real change occurs when we succeed in maintain the focus on ourselvesfinding the courage to share our feelings with our partner, even those who make us feel vulnerable, and our deepest needs. This creates an authentic intimacy.
At the same time, it is essential to pay attention to how we speak. Ask yourself: “I would use this tone And these words with a friend or colleague? “Often, with the person we love the most, we forget that respect basic that we reserve for others. Remember this can radically transform the dynamics.
Unfortunately, in some relationships a particular way of communicating develops, which however special has very little: it often includes offensive behaviors that arise from dynamics of power or suffering. This condition, known in the diagnostic manuals – for example the ICD -10, with the name of ‘relational discomfort with the spouse or partner’, describes the circumstances in which the couple problems become a focus of clinical attention. In this frame, attention shifts from solving the problem toblame each otherin a vicious circle in which we tend to:
- go to the attack, instead of expressing a need;
- blame, instead of taking on its part of responsibility;
- criticize the person, instead of talking about specific behavior;
- complain with the other in a generic way;
- be demanding and overbearing, instead of asking with respect.
Is it therefore essential to stop and ask ourselves “would I speak in this way anyone else?”. After all, the partner – in addition to being a special person, whom we have chosen to share our life – is also one person Like the others.
Phase 3: practice theActive listening and empathy
During a quarrel, it is easy to be trapped in our head, concentrated only on what we feel and we mean. In those moments, we have little awareness of the inner world of the partner. That’s why listening is so powerful. Practice a Active listening It means choosing to temporarily pause our inner dialogue to make room for the other. Without this step, every discussion risks becoming a two -part monologue, intended for an inevitable stall.
A Active and unconditional listening It is the key to comprehend truly the person we love. It means listening to understand, not to answer. Requires to put aside, even for a few moments, our point of view for space to that of the partner, welcoming his feelings without judgment. When we manage to “set aside”, we are making a gesture of great opening: we are really going towards the other.
Phase 4: from understanding to the shared solution
When we really succeed in listen the othersomething almost magical happens: reality expands. The problem is no longer only “my” or “your”, but it becomes “our”, enriched with new meanings and shades. This mutual understanding opens the way for collaboration, making both partners more arranged to find a shared solution.
This level of understanding helps to clarify a large part of the confusion present within the couple and to eliminate many misunderstandings and incorrect interpretations that feed the confusion.
At this point, the couple can look at what has emerged with new eyes. It is a precious moment to reflect on what has been learned about itself, on the partner and the dynamics that are activated between you. Thus it becomes easier to recognize not only the external problem, but also the personal reactions that feed the conflict, and start defusing them together.
When communication blocks: the role of couple therapy
Sometimes, despite the best intentions, couple dynamics can get stuck. If you feel you turn empty in the same discussions and the effort exceeds the joy of being together, asking for help is not a sign of failure, but an act of great love and courage towards your relationship. A meta-analysis that examined 58 studies confirmed that couple therapy has a significant effect on relational satisfaction (Roddy et al., 2020).
A path of couple therapyeven online, can offer a safe and neutral space where a professional helps you:
- develop new and more effective communication techniques;
- Understanding the deep needs and emotional injuries that hide behind conflicts;
- Find a healthier and more satisfying balance for both.
Give yourself the opportunity to improve your relationship It is one of the biggest gifts that you can do. If you feel it is time to take this trip, with the UNBRAVO you can find the right professional for you. Simply fill in the questionnaire to start a personalized path towards a new couple well -being.
